missing me?

Jus came back from a church camp over the weekend. i must say God came and visited, He came and did what He said He will do when His children ask of Him.
Thru a dear pastor, whom over the years, i still look up to and respect deeply, God said He missed me. I never left church, i still serve, i still love but God being God, He knows my heart condition. Yes, i missed Him too.

The camp was refreshing and brought healing to my spirit. I thought i was okie, i thought it is settled, i thought it no longer matter, but the truth is, it was so deep that i dun feel it till pastor came and pray. I feel the father's love, the father's touch as he hold me and pray.. suddenly all the years of wandering, lostness, pain, tears all came out in a rush.

Now i know y i am still where i am. Now i know y i never inch forward much in the last few years. Now i know y.... im tired. im scared. im ignorant. i think i know all... actually i dont. i think i have it all.. actually i dont. i think i know God... actually not as much. i think i was near God... actually i was living in grace.

i saw once again the power of God moving in the lives of the people this weekend. my heart was filled with compassion once again this weekend when His children were being set free. once again, the desire to partner God and see Him move mountains was stirred up again. I dont want to believe in lies anymore, i dont want to believe in practicality 100% anymore. I dont want to believe in skepticism or criticism anymore. i want to believe in the power of the cross simply once more.